Relatable: Young & In Love
The other day I was thinking about how much I love that I am blogging my life!
I think it's such a gift that I can go back to my old posts and read about how my life is changing. I wish I had been blogging back when I first moved to Nashville... oh how times have changed. A lot happened in that first year that I have recapped in a few of my blogs, but I didn't start blogging on Coil until a few weeks after I got married.
I realized that tomorrow is the day I got engaged, December 29th, 2018 to the love of my life, my Dustin. As I was thinking about this I realized I wanted to write down our story, from the beginning to our engagement so that I could look back on it and not forget. Some things are a little fuzzy given that it's been two years, but I'd rather get it now while I can still remember some things.
It's actually quite sweet because when we were dating I kept a little journal in my phone notes. I honestly forgot that I had done this but every time I come across it I smile. It's a sweet reminder of those early days and some of the things that we went through.
I think we should talk about young relationships and marriages more than we do. I remember when I was first entering into engagement I didn't have many resources or people to turn to because most people didn't get it. Even my friends who got engaged in college, a lot of them chose to wait years before getting married or they sadly ended up breaking up before the big day. That being said, if you're young and in love, don't be afraid. It can work out in a good way, regardless of what a lot of people will say.
Let's start in the beginning, July of 2018. A young, bright eyed and hopeful Riley moved to Nashville to pursue her dream of being a singer songwriter. In order to support myself I decided to start a social media management business. I ended up adding on basic website design and that first month was spent networking and building up my clientele base. It was stressful and I spent way too much money on coffee but it was fun. It got me out into the world and I did a lot of self discovery in Nashville that first month.
The end of July rolled around and my roommate asked me if I was planning on dating at all. Now I didn't really date in high school, a few “things” here and there that were far more dramatic than they needed to be, but I never had an official-official boyfriend. I was actually in a “year without guys” when I moved to Nashville but my curiosity got the best of me. At the time I was talking to an old fling from back home who I was considering possibly doing long distance with if we could figure it out, but, well, you'll see.
Like I said I was curious about the dating scene so I did what any Gen Z in a new city would do. I downloaded like 10 dating apps.
I know, I know. Rookie mistake.
I downloaded them all and realized some of them were really weird and deleted a few. I wore out my thumbs swiping those first few days and I talked to a few creepers and a few weirdos. After almost meeting up with one guy, but then I didn't because I really wasn't about that hookup life and that's clearly what he wanted, I deleted all the apps and decided to return to my God-centered year without males.
That is until I got lonely about three days later and decided to try again.
I downloaded two apps and started talking to a few guys. This time it went a little bit better and I had like 18 dudes I was talking to. Yes, I know how that makes me look. Every few hours I cut off another one as I widdled it down to who I was really interested in. Basically I hosted my own season of the Bachelorette. My best friend and I really had fun with it. I started that process on Wednesday and by Sunday I was down to like 5 guys. That night I swiped right on this cutie from the country who seemed to only have enough space in his heart for his big white truck. But I liked his answers and we seemed to align on a lot so I decided to message him. He was listed as an entrepreneur and I'm pretty sure my opening line had something to do with that. Within a few minutes he had responded and I quickly found myself not even responding to the other conversations, I couldn't stop smiling when I was talking to him. At the end of the night he asked for my snapchat which I didn't give him. Usually it wasn't a problem but there was something different about him and I wanted him to take me seriously. Snapchat is not where that happens and so instead I lied and told him I didn't give out my snapchat and he could have my number instead.
The next morning I woke up to a good morning text from Dustin.
I continued to talk to other guys throughout the week, but I really focused on him specifically. We'd text all day long and he'd wake me up every morning with a good morning text and end the night with a good night beautiful. When I'm telling you we haven't gone a day without talking since the first night we started messaging, I'm telling the truth, there hasn't been a day.
We kind of discussed going out at some point and meeting but he was an hour away and I was still slightly afraid to meet anyone in person. I hadn't gone on an actual date from a dating app yet and I was frankly terrified of being murdered. How great it is to be a woman.
That Thursday I gathered up the courage and was going to go out with the only other guy I was talking to at that point. He was in the military and was home temporarily. While we were texting about going to a music venue that night he mentioned something about getting MARRIED and moving to Oklahoma with him. Clearly he was fishing for a pay raise or he was wayyyy more into me than I was him. Needless to say I ghosted him. A few minutes later Dustin responded to my text asking what he was doing that night. Turns out he was dog sitting only a few minutes away from one of my favorite coffee shops only 40 minutes from my house. Still a haul for me but I really wanted to meet him. That night was our first date.
I got there early and paid for my tea. I want to say it was because I wanted to prove “my independence” as a “modern woman” but really I didn't know how to handle the whole Gen Z dating meets southern hospitality/gentleman expectations so I just avoided the awkward situation. I still remember the sound of his boots meeting the wooden stair case as he made his way up around the corner. He had on blue jeans and brown cowboy boots and he nervously pulled down on his American flag t-shirt. My friends would've never believed that I'd one day marry him, frankly I probably wouldn't either. But I was smitten. We talked for hours, well, I talked for hours, he smiled and listened and I got a few words out of him. He walked me to my car, hugged me goodnight and then proceeded to text me and he was back to normal. Turns out he was just extremely shy... even after a few warm up shots to calm his nerves.
But apparently he liked me because he asked me out again and that Wednesday we met at Panera and talked for four hours without eating a thing.. and he spoke many more words. He even tried to kiss me after that date but I cried. That's a story for another day. Don't worry, he got his kiss that Friday night when I made him dinner- he clearly liked me because he didn't tell me how bad it was and he now makes all the dinners.
I could go on and on about all of our first dates and my favorite moments we had that fall but by August 30th, keep in mind we started talking August 5th, he brought up engagement rings and THEN officially asked me to be his girlfriend. Kind of out of order but when I'm telling you that we knew, we knew. Just those few weeks felt like we had known each other forever.
Oh and clearly by now I cut off my friend from back home who was in an almost broken up relationship and I didn't want to do long distance with someone anyways. Too messy.
That fall was absolutely incredible and we worked through a lot of hard things, we fell deeply in love and in November he drove up with me to Michigan to meet my family and celebrate my birthday. After that trip we knew we wanted to get married soon. We had talked about it a lot in October but we both wanted my parents to meet him and feel good about him, they loved him (or at least I think they did) and we felt good about it. A few weeks later he ran the idea past his mom because he wanted to be respectful of her and get her blessing. He then ran it past his grandparents (the grandmother we lived with for a year and a half) because we wanted their blessing as well and wanted to know if we could live in one of the houses on one of their properties for a year. This was customary in the family but we didn't want to assume. After all blessings were given we went ring shopping and I showed him what I wanted.
A note to young couples, you don't have to stick with the first ring forever. We were so madly in love that I didn't care if he gave me a ring pop, I just wanted to marry him asap. We ended up going with a beautiful Moissanite ring and he ended up surprising with a silver band with real diamonds around it. I still remember his face when he walked out of the shop, I sat in the car while he made his final pick, he was disappointed. He wanted to give me something more but I truly cherish that ring and truly didn't care. Like I said, a ring pop would've been sufficient. But I mean look at this, it's gorgeous. I got so mad at him when I saw it in person and knew he was disappointed in himself. Consumerism sucks.
I didn't know when he was going to propose but I had a basic idea that it would probably be when we went back to Michigan for Christmas. We were apart for a week, the longest we had gone without seeing one another, and then he joined me for another week when he flew up. That first week was ROUGH let me tell you. Our families didn't enjoy us because we were both walking around like sad, lonely puppy dogs during Christmas. I knew he wanted to talk to my dad in person and get his blessing (not permission, blessing) and that would be the only time he could do that. Going off of that I may have gone ahead and scheduled an appointment at David's bridal to try on dresses with my friends the first week of January. Basically I was going on faith he would propose before January 3rd.. I was right. That being said, I still didn't know when it would be and I was a nervous wreck. I kept my nails nice and everything.
I had dropped many hints because we'd be hanging out with my best friends, Ally and Rachel, in downtown Detroit, I wanted them to meet him, one who is a photographer. I really didn't think he was going to propose because frankly, I didn't see a ring box anywhere. We'd spent the night at my friends house and his stuff was with mine- no box to be found.
That day we were going to to go to breakfast but the spot we wanted was really packed so we ended up going to iHop. I had completely given up on the idea he was going to propose so I was actually quite relaxed. Until we left iHop only to find out that someone stole my catalytic converter off of my car in the parking lot. Welcome to Detroit.
Driving down the road sounded like we were in a race car. I legitimately started crying because I was stressed about driving all the way back to Tennessee with the car so extremely loud. We got to the parking garage and it was ROARING, I was completely embarrassed and just wanted to go home but he convinced me to just walk around for a little bit. Ally took some brand pictures of just me for my business while he and Rachel talked in the corner.
I should've known something was up because he was actually talking to Rachel a few hours after meeting her which as you learned from our first date story was a rarity.
Ally asked me to step into this cool display they had up for Christmas and we started taking couples pictures.
He somehow slipped the ring box out of his pocket (that he had been switching back and forth all day so I wouldn't notice it when I went to hold his hand) and took this picture.
He then started whispering in my ear and although I can't remember exactly what he said because I was so focused on how fast and hard his heart was beating against my chest I will never forget these words..
“You know I love you more than anything right?
And you make me the happiest man in the world.”
He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
Of course I said yes and we took pictures and it was the most perfect moment and for a split second I forgot all about the car.
Unbeknownst to me Dustin completely winged the whole thing from our outfits to the location. He just hoped it would all come together. Apparently I stressed him out because I hadn't left him alone with Ally at all and he needed to talk to her about pictures and stuff. He got a chance when I went to the bathroom at iHop and apparently sent Rachel in after me to distract me so he could talk to her for a few minutes. It worked because I honestly suspected nothing. Then he was freaking out trying to calm me down because I was crying over the car and he didn't want me to ruin my makeup and then I didn't even want to get out. Poor guy. The whole talking to Rachel part made sense after the fact because they were trying to find a good spot for him to propose at and he was asking her to get me to take my coat off and hold it and make sure I was in a good position for pictures. He really just let it all come together by itself, even the location, but he pulled it off at the very last second. I was proud of him and it was so beautiful. The pictures were amazing and I'll never forget it. To this day though I still don't know how he managed the maneuver to get the ring box out of his pocket while I was hugging him for the pictures without me noticing. I guess I was just so in love I was blind to what was going on.
Two years later were all almost two years into marriage (we got married 3 months later on April 6th, 2019) and we now have our sweet little Hayden James. It's been a wild two years but I wouldn't change it for anything. I hope that if you're in a relationship and you're afraid to take that next step because of society, tradition or your age that this encourages you to go for it. We didn't know what we were doing, we just knew that we were deeply in love and we didn't want to wait another second to be married. I don't know why people wait, I truly don't, monetarily and relationally it just makes sense. So if you don't want to wait, don't. Just go for it. It may just be the greatest adventure of your life.
Love and be loved.