The Journey Of “Doing Better”
Knowing better doesn’t always mean you can do better.
We hear that term a lot these days, right? “Know better, do better”. It’s a statement that I have a deep disdain for as it is entirely unhelpful, shamey and gives the person sharing the information a ‘holier than thou’ appearance.
In the health sphere there is a lot of information thrown around (that can easily translate to judgment) about what products you’re using and the types and quality of food you’re consuming. And while this is important, and personally a passion of mine, I want to talk about the flip side of the coin.
What happens when you know better about a product or a quality issue, but you can’t afford to do better?
What happens when you don’t have the resources (including time and mental energy to source or change stores) to change the way you’re living?
What happens when you come up against opposition in your household against the types of products you want to use and/or how much they cost?
I will note- because social media can get brutal about this- it’s important to honor your spouse and their wishes and it’s also okay to want to provide healthier options, but not to the detriment of your own mental health, your relational health and your financial well-being. In an ideal situation, you and your spouse would be on the same page or at least have the type of relationship where you don’t run every decision by one another because you trust the other person to make decisions that will benefit the household. That’s not the case for everyone but that doesn’t mean you’re out of options. Conversations can be slow and steady and little changes (which you’ll see as we continue chatting is the key to everything), can be made as a compromise to keep the peace.
Now let’s pause on that train of thought and switch gears for a moment. We know switching up your lifestyle can be difficult in your house, but really, it all starts in our own minds and hearts. The way we view and value ourselves plays a huge role in how you feel like your body deserves to be treated. Obviously there are a lot of other factors that play a role; accessibility, finances and environmental factors being a few. For anyone that is struggling financially and maybe relying on government assistance or local food banks for food and household supplies- they’re literally being given bottom of the barrel choices based off of food cost that’s convenient. I know I can’t sit in the place of privilege that I sit in and tell everyone that choosing a healthier lifestyle is a “you” problem, because it’s just not. Changing government standards about what goes into our food and the quality available to those who need it most, isn’t the topic I’m addressing today, but I do want to acknowledge it because it is very real and it’s an issue I do have a heart for. Everyone should have access to foods that don’t contain carcinogens and that aren’t contributing to rising obesity, cancer and chronic disease levels. When you look at it from that perspective, you quickly realize how inhumane it is for options to be so limited due to financial hardship.
With all of that being said, for a large population of people, switching gears means choosing to have a different mindset surrounding the choices you’re making. And let me be honest, there is nothing I can say to change your mind that you need to change your lifestyle. Nothing. No matter how low you may feel, no matter why you may be reading this- it’s literally going to come down to you being sick and tired of being sick and tired to propel you to make change.
So picture this. You’ve decided to make a change. You’re revved up and excited. You hop on social media or Google to find inspiration and holy crap.. there’s too many options.
You dig in and start to learn more about topics and as the algorithm unfolds, you get more and more sources telling you how to do things and why, promising their way works. You find information piled on top of more information and with that, an immense amount of pressure to do all of the things because they’re all things that will help you. But to what detriment? This applies to all of the facets of the health and wellness space, it’s exhausting. We have too many voices telling us what to do, asking us to flip our lives upside down because if we don’t change everything, we’re living in complacency, knowing “better”, but not “doing better”.
I have a few things to say to that.
These influencers you see didn’t flip their lives upside down all at the same time. You’re not seeing their journey to get where they’re at. There are more and more accounts sharing that journey, the little steps they’ve taken over years and years to get where they’re at now, but when we’re scrolling we only see a snippet. Change takes time. Long-term change requires bite size steps that become a part of our habits and lifestyles. I think we all know at this point that quick-fixes are a facade and not where the true long term change is at.
I was thinking about it the other day and I realized that from the time I learn something to the time I am actually able to implement change is almost always a couple of months. It’s a journey for each topic!
Here’s an example of just a few things I’ve switched out in the last few years.
I spend time researching more information.
I spend time finding & comparing alternatives.
I spend time getting my family on board.
I spend time learning how to do things differently.
I spend time figuring out how it would fit into our lifestyle.
I spend time using the rest of a product as to not waste the resources we’ve been given to steward well.
I spend time looking for room in our budget if the product costs more.
I spend time finding a store that carries it and actually buying the product (often a different store than I’m used to going to).
I spend time implementing the new product, strategy or activity.
That’s a lot of time.
ON TOP of all of my other jobs, responsibilities and relationships. Some things will come quicker than others. Some products are easier to switch out. Practically, this often just looks like choosing a better option when we run out of what we were using, but sometimes it’s not in the budget and there’s nothing left to sacrifice (or it’s not your choice to sacrifice it) to make room for something new. I will mention that most of the time I’m finding options that end up being cheaper in the long run, but there’s typically an initial investment.
Finances and time are a thing and you shouldn’t feel guilty about them. There are a lot of influencers, at least in my algorithm, that don’t have itty bitty kids or a full time job or a husband or a big family. They’re on there talking because that’s their biggest passion, their job, or sometimes, their entire life. They won’t have the same experience as someone else with a completely different life situation, so you cannot take what they say as Bible truth and hold yourself to the same standards.
For example, you see: person goes to the gym, they spend an hour or so there and they go home and cook a healthy meal they could afford all of the ingredients for at their local farmers market and go to bed at a decent hour having done their skincare routine.
Compared to you who has to wait for your husband to get home from work so he can watch the kids while you go to the gym and use up the last little bit of energy - you don’t even have left - from being mom all day. He gets home late and the kids were screaming for snacks so you threw a pile of snacks at them, ate what you could from the fridge full of food that’s maybe half organic because your budget just can’t do it all, you go to the gym struggling to keep your eyes open and come home and collapse.
Now I’m not saying that’s what the standard HAS to be, I see a lot of moms who make it work and they kill it. Heck, some days even as a work-from-home mom, I can get a beautiful from-scratch meal cooked, accomplish a workout, my work and still put a smile on for my husband. But that’s certainly not every day, but that’s the day I’d be prone to show you on Instagram because that’s the “standard” and we all want to live up to those.
My point, the truth is much more than what you see and some of us are really up against more obstacles than others, so please, give yourself some grace.
Inflation has absolutely decimated some of our budgets.
Some of us have bills that cannot go unpaid just to have a grocery cart full of the healthiest foods that are, in most cases, more expensive.
Some of us are so out of time and mental energy that making the time to plan, strategize, fight for and implement changes feels like a mountain we just can’t climb right now.
I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. You’re not the only one scrolling and wondering how everyone seems to be doing it all, except for you. It’s not just you, they’re the minority, I promise.
So please, do not feel bad if you can’t buy all organic right now or if you can’t cook all from scratch or take all of the best supplements. There’s ways to make it cheaper, it takes a lot of planning and time- and some weeks I’m on top of it and other weeks I just don’t have it in me. There’s room for both ways and although I know the benefits and consequences, I’m also trusting the Lord to step in when I just can’t.
I had an Instagram friend beautifully remind me this week that God cares about everything, even the little things. If he knows the number of hairs on our head and clothes even the grass and the flowers- He cares even more about our thoughts and needs (Luke 12:7, Matthew 6:28). He sees the life we desire and how we want to take care of ourselves. Ask Him what to eat on any given day and He will help you. Ask Him to show you what you’re supposed to buy at the store and how to make the budget work. Ask Him to help you find the time and energy to take care of yourself. Ask Him to work on your husband’s heart about that change you really want to make that you need help or his support with. I know you’ll find with this comes so much peace and so much grace for when you just can’t handle it on your own- which FYI, is ever.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7
The “non-toxic” community has become one I don’t want to be a part of most days because it’s so incredibly judgmental and the people that started where you might be now, sometimes forget that at one point, they too weren’t able to live up to the standard that they are setting. It’s okay to step away from that. I’ve unfollowed a lot of people because I can’t handle hearing one more time the truth about a food that I already know. Or I can’t handle to hear about any more corruption because then it just fills my mind up with fears and anxiety that are not from the Lord. There is a difference between having wisdom and living in fear.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” - Philippians 4:8
If your thoughts aren’t lining up with those things, it is not from the Lord and you can release it without worry.
If I have learned anything in the last year, it’s that you can commit yourself to knowledge, but commit yourself to trusting the Lord more. He will show you, guide you and give you grace, even when you feel like you can’t give it to yourself.
Set all of the goals, chip away at them one at a time and then know that if you can’t uphold that all of the time, you’re just like everyone else and that is perfectly okay.
So next time, my sweet friend, when you feel the judgment, shame and weight of “know better, do better” I want you to say to yourself:
“I know better and I’ll do better when I can, under God’s direction and provision.”