Works For Her, Not For Me.
Social media is both a blessing and a curse.
It has the potential to be a creative outlet, connect us with people all around the world and even establish some of the most loyal friendships.
But on the darker side of the screen we deal with jealousy, impossible standards and picture perfect snapshots of other people's lives. Everything is an advertisement, everything is staged, and especially with women, the silent shaming and comparison is worse than ever.
We share content encouraging people to be open about their mental health and their lives. And then we send judgmental DM's about how “we could never say that” in response to them sharing.
In the motherhood and TTC community we go back and forth and nitpick over every little method and strategy and villainize the ones we don't agree with or that go against the ones we've used. We attack one another with backhanded compliments and “advice”.
MLM's have the majority of their employees preaching to the platforms that if they want to attain friendship, money, power and “work-from-home-boss-babe” status, they must join them and do everything they're told. Like there isn't any other way to do those things. And those who speak out against them just don't “have what it takes”.
With fighting for justice of any kind, you're allowed to state the mainstream, narrative-approved opinion but if you share anything that slightly deviates from that, prepared to be ripped to shreds.
This is so backwards.
Everyone is allowed to have their opinion as long as it doesn't go against what that individual thinks? Seems fair.
*eye roll*
Rather than stew in the emotion over this issue, let's talk about what we can do to fix this. Because it's seriously an issue and not one that I'm here for anymore.
It starts with each of us as individuals changing our behavior towards others. It starts with setting an example of how to be kind to others, respect their opinions and respect their journeys.
The first thing to remember is that it's not your job to “educate” anyone. You are not entitled to changing someone else's mind and in fact, the more you try to, the more they're going to tighten up. The best way to influence is simply by living. Just do your thing. Show up where you're at. Talk about your life, talk about the things you're doing, what you believe and how it all ties together. Don't just talk, walk.
Second, stop screaming. Those who want to hear you will. They will follow you. They will share your message or their adapted version of it. But screaming about all of the things you believe and all of the things that you want other people to do is only going to push others away and make them feel like crap for doing any differently than you. This means not attacking people in comments, not weighing in unless you have something genuinely kind to say and not DMing people to attack them, manipulate them or “inform” them.
Third, remember that what works for you may not work for her and she doesn't owe you anything. She doesn't owe you trying it out for herself. She doesn't owe you anything to back up her opinions. She doesn't owe you an explanation. What works for her may not work for you and what works for you may not work for her. If you let that concept just be, the whole world would be a lot better off.
The next time you fall into the social media pit and you start to compare your body to someone else's (especially if it has to do with some special protein shake she's selling) tell yourself “it works for her, not for me”.
The next time someone attacks you in your DM's over an opinion you've shared you can respond “this works for me, not for you, and that's alright”.
The next time you're tempted to comment on someone's post and tell them how you think they should be doing something or what they should be believing take your hands off your keyboard and remember “this works for them, not for me”.
What's good for someone else doesn't have to be good for you and that's okay. We're all on our own path with our own life experiences as the foundation. Stay focused and grounded and don't get caught up in the drama of comparison and products and trying to the achieve the “picture-perfect-mainstream-approved” life.
You're where you're at and that works for you, just maybe not for her.