We've all had that one friend. She seems perfect. You totally click, everything works, life is great, until one day you wake up and look in the mirror. You realize that you don't look like you did 6 months ago, you don't talk like you used to, or walk, or hold your head. Your other friends, they're a little more distant, your one girlfriend had a boyfriend, you didn't even know about. Your other friend- the one you used to label as your best- well she got a new job and moved out. You look around and realize that the days are flying past you, everyone else is moving forward, but you're stuck, in your bubble. This bubble that you and your best friend live in. You know you didn't use to be like this, nothing major changed, but yet all of the sudden, everything is different. You look at the equation and you realize, you + changed life = her. She's the only new variable. She changed you, morphed you, said all of the right things and broke down your walls so that you'd be exactly in the state she wanted you to be in.
By the way, if you haven't picked up on this, she's hurt, extremely hurt- but she'll say she's fine. People hurt her, but she doesn't deal with it. Situations in her life, they shook her entire world- but she just smiles and says it's okay. She takes all of her stress and anger and pushes it off to the side and channels it into changing you into who she wants you to be. It's her only outlet. She doesn't have any control in her world, so instead, she controls you, because she's grasping on to anything she can.
You won't realize you're a victim, not at first. It takes a trigger, a wake up call. Maybe it's looking through an old-scrapbook and suddenly being reminded of all of the friendships you used to have, where'd they all go? Maybe it's when you look in your closet and realize that those clothes aren't yours- they're a by-product of hers. You look in the mirror and you say you look fat, but you go to pinch that oh-so-familiar skin, and it's not there- it's melted away with all of the meals her stares told you not to eat. You look at your makeup bag and realize that you never wanted that life- you never wanted to wear a mask. Once that trigger hits you- the whole scene- it unravels, slowly, one thread at a time, and then all at once until you're left with a tangled mess of your life on the floor.
When she says she's done- you're not as cooperative anymore- you feel like your life is ending- because she's ending it. She's ending the facade, the character she created- the character that you let her make you out to be. They will all believe her when she tells them that you ruined her- because she's not the one who changed, you were. Only what they don't know is that you didn't even realize you changed. Maybe she'll try to hang on a little bit longer, thread you along, leaving you hanging on every Instagram like and watched story, hoping that she'll message you that she wants you back. You don't even know what you did wrong- but that's the thing- you didn't do anything wrong. She used you. She's manipulative. It takes a new victim to see that. You watch her, from afar, hoping she'll notice and make things right- but instead, you see as her next victim morphs into a new clone of her. You used to be that clone. Do you see now? You were used, abused, and the victim of a toxic friend.
Suddenly it will all come crashing down, each piece of your worth will crumble as it was only a temporary fix. You need to run- back to those scrapbooks, back to those old friends, back to the old you- the real you. That is who you are. Don't try to hold on to the shiny offerings she gave you- burn them. They're not worth it. They'll only chain you down to the memories and the pain and the death of your light. She dimmed it- but she couldn't blow it out- so she used temporary fixes. You can leave them behind- do it. Go back to the things that you love- the ones she laughed at you for liking. Go back to the people who tried to save you- but you pushed away because of her appeal. Apologize- they are the real friends- don't lose them. They will remind you of who you are, who you used to be. Don't forget your beautiful self. She is only a product of another clone, don't allow yourself to fall into that line.
Ignore the girls who stand with her and spread the lies.
"She was right, you are horrible."
"You should be hated- you shouldn't have friends, you treated her like you're better than her"
"You don't know even know what she did for you- stop telling lies, you should let them hear her side of the story- you're a liar." "
"You should be more like her, she actually knows how to be a real friend."
"You're a total b****, you never cared about her. She did everything for you and you left her."
"You're such an idiot, you will never be as cool as she is."
"You are crazy to think that anyone would ever want to be friends with you
after what you did to her."
"You will never be as pretty as her."
Do any of these sound familiar? They should. You've probably said them about me. But I want you to know, it's not true. She's spreading lies. She's telling them what she knows they want to hear- she's the queen- and that's how it's going to stay, at least until they all grow up. One day they will wake up and see that she's isn't everything she said she was. She doesn't actually care about anyone except for herself.
But ya know, it's not her fault. No-one ever taught her how to love. How to love herself, how to love others, how to be loved and feel love. No-one taught her to value her strengths and her weaknesses. Someone didn't have time for her. Someone didn't prioritize her. Someone didn't teach her that who she is, her character, is more important than her outer appearance. No-one taught her that differences and individuality are more important and more valuable than the perfect foundation and the most aesthetically pleasing outfit. No-one taught her, and I feel bad. I feel bad because she's pretty amazing. She deserves to be happy, to have a ton of friends, and to live her best life, in freedom. It's too bad that it's not going to happen without a lot of heartbreak and change. I hope she finds it. I hope that her life is turned upside down so that she can learn the value of herself and the value of others. Otherwise, she's going to live a sad life.
So to you, who probably think she's perfect, she's not- she's far from it. She's just really good at masking her imperfections with the imperfections of those who she puts in the spotlight- which by the way, is usually you. Regardless of that, love her, for me- but don't get too close. Don't be caught in her net of negativity. Don't spread the lies about me, they're not true. Don't spread lies about her either- that won't help her. Tell her I love her and I wish her the best. I'm rebuilding my life though, and it's better than it ever was with her in it. I don't say this to spite her, simply to warn you- I don't want you to end up as her next clone, I don't want you to lose yourself. Let's stop the toxic cycle so that it isn't you writing this letter one day.
Your Best Friend's Ex-Best Friend