I feel you, I see you, I am you.
I've been there as my friends have driven away, tears running down my face. The unknown of the state of your future friendship, hanging in the balance. You know they'll meet others- you're actually happy for them- but oh how you want to beg them not to replace you. You wish you could just go away too- numb the pain with a new experience- just like them. As they turn the corner, the new reality of life without them comes crashing down. Our catered, crafted lives, they really have done us a dis-service. No-one prepared us for this. A completely new stage set before us, without the cast that got us through the last few acts. A life without your regular crew, holding you up through the worst moments & cheering you on when you're killing it- it numbs you. "Good luck!" they say, as they push you out the door with a diploma & the expectation that you need to figure out how to be an adult, while making new friends, while establishing your career & somehow simultaneously finding a life partner- all without the solid foundation of your friends that you have built up & relied on the past 18 years. What a party.
Obviously, I am still slightly bitter- but let's not relive it all again. My point in saying all of this is to let you know that I get it. I really do. I understand how hard it is- but I've already made it through the first two years, and it just keeps getting easier & easier. Your heart starts to heal, you don't necessarily find new friends right away- I mean I'm still struggling to do that- but you do start to form variations of the relationships that you had with your old friends. It sucks, but you figure it out. The beauty in it is that this time of separation prepares you for relationships post college when everyone starts their lives & careers & long distance friendships become even more difficult. Really, it's kind of a blessing in disguise.
In the end, we can't fix anything, but at least we can find solace in knowing that other people have been there & gone through the same things. I hope that this made you feel a little bit better. And if you haven't found your people yet, don't worry- things will all fall into place soon & you'll look back on this time and laugh. Take advantage of your time alone, it's the only time you may ever have it. Alone is not always a bad thing- but that's for another day.
Red Lip Xo's - Ri