SO, I just wanted to do a quick update on some of the things that I have been learning the past couple of months, during my "boy ban".
So far, it's been pretty easy, I've been keeping busy, but I have had my moments.
It's easy as in, I am not even slightly interested in anyone right now & I am looking for a someone, not a something. That's why it's been easy. But there are sometimes moments where I let that longing for a something, slip in front of the longing for a someone, and I start to get jealous of the people around me. But I guess that's why I'm doing what I'm doing!
With that being said, let's jump in!
1. You have SO many privileges being single.
Okay, first off- $$$$
I save SO MUCH money not going out all the time & buying things for my SO. I look around at how much money people spend on spending time with their SO- it's ridiculous.
I have my TIME, all to myself. I have freedom! I can control my schedule without having to take another human into consideration. I see some couples wearing themselves so thin because of how much they're trying to jam pack in their lives. I also see couples who lose all of their friends because they forgot to work other people into their schedule.
I can come & go as I please, not having to worry about hurting someone's feelings, or worrying about who they want to be spending time with/where. So, I'm going to take full advantage of this time in my life, where I'm free of the responsibility of another human!
Plus, when else am I ever going to have this chance again?
2. You don't need to be in a relationship to have fun & do things.
YALL- don't forget your friends! If you don't have any- go make some.
I feel like in our culture we have this idea that you cannot have "couples goals" like experiences, without being in a couple. I have literally had friends tell me they weren't going to go to a certain restaurant, or event, or store, because they didn't have anyone to go with. They didn't have anyone to take that cute, "couples goals" picture with.
I mean, if we're being totally honest, I've even felt that way before.
But, it's time to put a stop to it. Being in a relationship should not determine your activities!
You need to have confidence in who you are as an individual.
Cherish your alone time- full scale. You might never have it again!
When I was a senior in high school, I really struggled with that concept. I hated being alone.
I wouldn't go anywhere without my friends. I so badly wanted a relationship & I was so scared of being alone & being left out- I practically suffocated my friends to death.
One of my best friends, more like an older sister, Rach, got real fed up with it at one point.
One day she told me she had gone to Panera to just work for a couple of hours alone & I gasped.
"I'm so sorry, if I had known I would've come & met you!"
She looked at me and laughed, "why? I'm perfectly happy being alone."
I did not, could not, understand that concept. Why in the world did she like to be alone?
After that she challenged me to go and eat meals alone. I said I could never do that, but after she went off to college, I was forced to. It was weird at first, but slowly it got better & better.
Now, I rarely like to actually go places with people. I'd rather be in control over my time & what I eat & enjoying the solitude of it all.
So I challenge you to go & sit at that coffee shop for the day & work- alone. Go & get dinner, alone.
Or, if you have to- go with friends! But don't mope about the fact that you don't have a BF/GF to go with! This is the one time in our lives where we still have the chance to have uninterrupted fun with friends. Guys & girls. Especially when you have established that there are no romantic feelings there- you can let loose & enjoy your time.
Don't stop yourself from going places with friends who are in relationships, you don't need an SO there to prove anything. You're 100% a-okay on your own. I promise.
The faster you learn this, the sooner you will be able to let go of that fear & anxiety of being on your own. In the reality, you're never alone. It's just a matter of perspective.
3. You get to learn from the mistakes of those around you before you jump in
Observe! Learn from your friends mistakes! Ask yourself questions, what do I need to work on in myself so that I don't bring baggage into a future relationship?
Some of us get upset when our friends get in relationships. A couple reasons:
1. They usually spend less time with us/drift away
2. They rub their coupliness all up in our faces, all the time. (Whether they mean to or not)
3. We're just plain jealous. (That's an us problem)
BUT- regardless of if you're upset or not, you should really start looking at your friends getting into relationships as a blessing. Why?
1. You are forced to learn how to be okay with hanging out alone.
2. You get to watch and observe & learn what NOT to do in a relationship.
Ya'll, they don't even know.
All this time I'm watching & learning & taking notes.
How not to treat your friends. How not to treat your family. How not to... & the list goes on & on.
I've also watched to see how some of the choices they made, turned out in the end.
So next time you get jealous of your friends relationships, thank them (pref in your head), for giving you an inside look on prepping for your future relationship!
4. You start seeing guys (or girls- idk who's reading) in a different way
If you're like me, or my friends, when we walk into a room of a bunch of people,
we go on auto-pilot mode & scan for guys.
We then proceed to rate them & set goals for ourselves (sometimes in our head, sometimes not)...
Ya'll- that's sad!
Guys aren't animals, they're people.
Guys deserve to be treated, how girls want to be treated.
We need to stop sexualizing & dehumanizing men.
We need to start a trend of looking at guys as potential friendships, as human beings.
Honestly, before you have a relationship, you should have a friendship!
But that's a topic for another day.
You seriously should start to evaluate guys for their personalities, their sense of humor, how they treat their friends & family. Start looking at guys as intelligent, human beings.
Yes, guys do dumb things. Not because they're dumb. We don't even know why they do what they do- they don't even know half of the time! But that doesn't give us the right to put them below us & play with their hearts. So when you're meeting a guy, old friend or now, stop thinking about yourself for a minute & start thinking about what they need in a friendship. If we start putting others above ourselves, we will slowly see that pattern evolve.
Also- it's super cool because even though I'm not dating, I'm still establishing friendships with guys. I am getting to know them for who they truly are. You really do see a different side of a guy when they are friends with you vs. in romantic mode. You can get a taste for who they are, long before you develop any feelings that might cloud your judgment.
5. Guys/Girls are not the be all, end all.
If I have never am in a relationship, I'm going to be just fine.
Even if I never get into one single relationship, I am going to be A-OK.
My worth isn't dependent on a partner in life. My worth isn't dependent on what someone thinks of me, or what they would do for me.
My worth is founded on Christ.
I don't know what you base your worth on, if it's not on Jesus, I'm not judging you.
But I do want you to take a look and evaluate yourself.
Is your worth dependent on who's interested in you? How many people are interested?
The specifics of the WHO?
If so, please stop. Seriously, you're worth so much more than that.
You have a purpose, giftings, talents, & you need to run with those!
Look to see what you can contribute to the world! What were you created to do?
Go. Do it. With everything you've got.
One day you might even look to your side and see that there's someone who's running right along side of you, with the same passions & mission. (p.s. this isn't a scheme, it's real life)
I love you all so dearly & I sincerely hope you understand your worth & abilities.
You are not defined by a man or a woman.
You have so much to offer to the world, that's a role that an SO can't fill- only you can.
Remember, they're supposed to be a life partner, not a life definer.
Red Lip Xo's - Ri