(Not) A Pinterest Mom
Welcome to the Solidarity podcast,
where we share stories to connect with one another, find comfort in life’s challenges & to celebrate the solidarity that is..
being a woman.
Have you ever looked up from scrolling only to be met with the harsh reality that your space looks nothing like the spaces you see online?
Your playroom isn’t a $10,000 DIY, rather a few mismatched baskets overflowing with toys in your living room?
Maybe you haven’t had matching sheets and pillow cases.. ever?
Your throw pillow are a mismatched assortment.. if you even have any?
Maybe your kitchen pantry is overflowing, unorganized and definitely not filled with those fancy labeled containers that you see on the Home Edit.
I get it. I’ve been there. In a lot of ways, I still am there.
Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re the Pinterest mom, whose house is going viral because you seemingly have it altogether- or at least you do in photos, I hope you don’t take offense to this episode because I think it’s great that you have the money and time and space to do all of those things.
But this episode isn’t really for you.
This encouragement is for those of us who don’t have the money, the time, the space, the motivation and we’re struggling with not feeling like we’re enough.
We see your playroom and feel like we’re failing because we can’t give our kids what you can give yours.
We feel like we’re sloppy and messy because we have mismatched boxes in every cupboard, overflowing with random items- our subtle attempts at trying to stay organized.
We feel like you’d definitely judge us because we have baskets of snacks on top of our fridge because we don’t even have a formal pantry.
So if you can relate to all of that, this is for you.
Now here’s the thing, I love all of those things. I don’t think it’s wrong to have matching organization and pretty, clean spaces. In fact, it’s what I strive for.
But no matter how hard I try, right now at least, I’m never going to achieve that perfect Pinterest look. I’m not going to be living up to “organization TikTok” standards with rows of clear containers perfectly labeled.
I’m not willing to go into debt for it.
I’m not willing to sacrifice money spent on healthy food and experiences with my family for it.
I’m not willing to push my husband to the edge with purchases that we just simply cannot afford right now.
And that’s my reasoning.
Maybe yours is different.
Maybe you don’t want to.
Maybe you don’t have the time or motivation.
Maybe you’re already doing the most and that’s all you’ve got- and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I think it’s really easy to get caught up in the comparison game. Now more than ever. We have 24/7 access to people portraying the best versions of themselves or their houses or their families.
But it’s not real.
I mean, an element of it is real, but it’s not all real.
Behind the beautiful playroom are kids who feel afraid to make a mess because it has to be “Insta ready” 24/7. Or they don’t have the toys they want to play with because their mom won’t let them have anything that isn’t neutral and wooden. Don’t get me wrong, if I could choose all of my kids toys, they’d be neutral and wooden too- but the reality is that kids love colorful toys and I’m not going to stop my kid from having a variety of toys. Now trust me, he has some natural wooden ones too, but I like to have a variety because that’s really good for their development.
Behind the perfect pantry is a husband who feels defeated because it’s never enough. She always needs a new container, a new label maker, a new set of baskets. The aesthetic seems to matter more than the contents of their home- the contents of their family.
Behind every photo is a family that isn’t doing perfect. Behind every pin is someone who is struggling with something.
And we don’t get to see that.
And so as we sit and scroll and pin and plan, we naturally start to compare and lose our contentment with what we have. We lose focus of the people we’re trying to stay organized for. We lose the humanity behind it all. Behind our homes.
And this may not be the reality for every person who is showing up looking perfect, but the point that I’m trying to get across is that you cannot compare yourself because our opportunities aren’t equal. Our footing isn’t the same and you’re always going to have something that someone else wants.
There have been nights that I’ve cried because I was planning and planning things in my home I want to switch out, because I’m always working on it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You just can’t lose sight of what you have and who you have. But I’ve cried because I felt like I was never going to be enough for my family. That I would never make friends because my house wouldn’t be beautiful enough or big enough for them. That I would never take off on social media and make a living for my family because I couldn’t get it Pinterest perfect.
Because ya know, when you hear influencers talk about how their seemingly perfect house looks like crap and isn’t enough for them, it makes your fraction of what they have seem really minuscule and it makes you feel like you’re really failing your family.
But love, I want to remind you of something. You cannot compare yourself to Pinterest & Instagram when it comes to your house & stuff because it’s entirely unrealistic & a facade. The people behind it all don’t want you to know it, but the reality is that a lot of things that they have are gifted. They’ve been accumulated over the years. A lot of these people have massive amounts of credit card debt and their marriages are falling apart because of it. Maybe they’re good at manipulating photos. They push the mess out of the way while they’re yelling at their kids to be quiet so they can film their perfect space. They take photos to make small spaces look bigger and they edit to make things look bigger or better than they are. The power of manipulation on the internet is beyond real.
And this isn’t just when it comes to your space. I’m talking about meal prepping, your kid’s lunches, your vacations, activities- all of the things.
We compare ourselves constantly because it’s right there- it’s almost impossible not to.
But guess what? You don’t have to be a picture-perfect-Pinterest mom. It’s okay if you set your baby in front of the tv just so that you can go to the bathroom in peace. It’s okay if you set your kid on the floor with some toys and call it a day. You don’t have to have a litany of sensory activities lined up each and everyday.
It’s okay if you forgot to feed your child actual food for days at a time when introducing food- you don’t have to create these extravagant BLW meals. As long as they’re getting fed, that’s all that matters.
It’s okay if you don’t have a perfect lunch box packed for your husband with notes and seven courses.
And even if you do want to do those things, it’s okay if they don’t happen everyday. Contrary to what the internet would like you to believe, the majority of people who are showing these things off aren’t doing them everyday either.
One day I may sit and read Hayden three books or a 50 page Dr. Seuss book- which um, why are those so flipping long, they’re children’s books- and the next I’m sitting him in front of the tv because his Dad is napping and I have to get stuff done and nothing else is satisfying him. And guess what? He’s still intelligent, he’s still loved, he’s still developing and everything is a-ok.
I think it’s great if you want to do a Pinterest project or Pinterest worthy DIY or activity with your kids. But we’ve got to start using it for inspiration instead of idolization. We’ve got to start being real on Instagram about the meltdown, the stained clothes and tears that occurred during our little Pinterest sensory project. We need to stop hiding the mess in the playroom and start capturing our kids in their truest selves. We need to start normalizing boundaries and budgets and realizing that most of us are on a Walmart/Dollar Tree budget and even Target and Amazon are too much for some of us. We need to encourage self control instead of constant indulgence. The “treat yourself” culture has gotten way out of control and it’s not fair to ourselves or others. We shouldn’t be going into debt to organize or to make people think we’re something that we’re not. We shouldn’t be going into debt to do things we even want to do. We should normalize saving and planning and investing in good stuff, thrifting and recycling instead of buying into all of the fast fashion/furniture sales and promotions. We don’t need to buy something every time there is a sale.
We are setting examples for our children.
Do you want them to remember that you played with them and got on their level or do you want them to remember that you were always trying to cover up their mess?
Do you want your kids to remember that you let them express themselves or do you want them to grow up feeling like what they liked was never good enough for you and your feed?
Do you want them getting themselves into massive amounts of debt because they just had to have everything they wanted, exactly when they wanted it? Or do you want them to be able to budget, have self-discipline and know how to provide and leave an inheritance for their family?
Do you want them to remember you as someone that never wanted anyone to see the real them or do you want them to remember you as someone who truly lived and loved, regardless of what they had?
I think it’s time we truly evaluate where our priorities lie.
So next time you see your mismatched baskets overflowing with toys in the living room, I want you to see your kids playing joyfully, using their imagination, feeling free to make a mess while they play and being part of the family space. I want you to see that they feel included and wanted and loved. They see you playing with them.
When you walk by that messy pantry or you see that basket overflowing with snacks on top of the fridge, I want you to see a family that is blessed, that isn’t going hungry tonight and that feels comfortable in the home you’ve created for them.
When you walk past that bed that’s a little mismatched, I want you to remember the bedtime snuggles, the nighttime kisses, the story books read and the abundance of tickles and giggles. Because they’re not going to remember that you put together the matching room and the perfect bedding as much as they’ll remember the time you did or didn’t spend with them.
We can strive for beautiful homes, but before that, let’s strive for beautiful hearts, loved families and safe homes. Let’s use the world around us for inspiration and set down the expectations. Let’s show up a little bit more real and cultivate an environment of creativity and joy and love rather than an environment of jealousy, disappointment and doubt.
If you haven’t heard this in awhile, whether you’ve got the messiest or the most put-together house on the block:
you’re a good mother and you are loved and supported.
Thank you so much for listening in this week, I hope you’ll take what you heard today and set it on your heart. I pray that you’ll ask God to reveal to you what you’re supposed to take from it and what He wants to reveal to you. I encourage you to keep coming back to find solidarity in our shared experiences. If you’d like to share your own story, I would love to have you on. Just shoot me a message on Instagram - @riley_quin or send me an email- riley@rileyq.com and we’ll talk!
Don’t forget to share this with a woman who you want to encourage today, you can share it on Facebook @solidaritypodcast or Instagram @riley_quin and tag me so we can get the word out on social media and if you’re feeling it, subscribe and leave a review to help get it out to others on the podcast algorithm who need to be shown some solidarity! Thanks again for listening and be sure to check back next Wednesday for a new episode!
As always, I’m so glad you’re here.
You’re wanted, needed and loved.
I see you, I hear you and you my love, by the grace of God, you are enough.